sucky day!!!!

So I juz finished my dinner aft 1hr!!!! lik the longest dinner ever can?! So I cried twice today!!!!

MY GOD!!!! Which guy ever cries twice in a day, within a short span of 1 hr!!!! It’s like ever since I came to VJ, life hasn’t been the way I wanted it to be. It’s like nothing is going the way I want it to… everyone’s gonna call me a sissy nw…

But really I cry only when I am freaking stressed and there is no place for me to let it all out. D: it‘s just been a stressful 2 weeks for me.

So someone asked me to think about why I am detached from my CCA. I promised that I will answer it.

This question made me ponder for quite a while. It made me think about myself as a person, and also how I am perceived and how I see others. I don’t mean to be judgmental or say names.

I am the sort of person who can’t take criticisms, mild still can, but not too much… I tend to think more about what people say, trying to decipher the meanings, and also, I am able to sometimes see what u really want to say, or want me to say. I dislike people who don’t understand the situation or the circumstances, and start commenting on me or what…

It makes my blood BOIL!!!! I have been trying to control my temper for a long time, I don’t know when the volcano will erupt, but I hope it doesn’t.

kk. so why am I detached from CO? erm, how about coz I didn’t really attend any of the outings, missed millions of dinners. I mean I am a DSA student, so I am supposed to be quite close to u guys, but what happened? Asking myself truthfully, I guess I just feel undervalued? Lik I chose CO cause, believe me, u had the strongest bass section in all three performing arts groups. I taught that I will get some or little recognition during practices, that was the impression I gt frm during my auditions. Wat do I get nw? erm nt trying to be harsh, but I feel that u dun even need me at all…trust me on this, I kno when u really dun need me…I hav my own ways to test it out… that is when I realized this. To tell the truth, I once felt this way in cat high too…juz that I kept it really well. I tested it, and it was true, the bass were nt heard and needed…but finally I gt recognized…

This really sucks…I dun know what to do…can u please advice?

Practices are nw like a chore to me…it has nvr been this way b4…in rosyth CO, cat high CO…I mean we were able to do a lot of stuff…do our own things, have unlimited breaks, joke about and things…but nw? prac and prac and prac, wat else? Cant do my own things… now only one person understands how I feel…happy abt tt…at least someone understands me.

U know wat!!! I havnt been able to practice my stuff and skills like before…I feel myself getting suckier by the minute…

To someone, u told me before, that u will take my comments and opinions and use it to better urself, have u done that? Ask urself. I dun mean to sound angry or wat, but I am guilty of that too…but at least I know that I try to accept them and change, but do u? ask urself.

Ok been typing this for an hour, time to end…

STAY STRONG GWYN!!!! YOU WILL PERSERVERE THROUGH THIS TOUGH TIME!!!!

DUN LET TIS KILL YOU OR MAKE YOU STRESSED!!!!!

HWAITING!!!!!

SMILE GWYN SMILE!!!! :D :D :D :D